Cheating and Love

“I’ve never quite understood how people cheat on their loved ones. Seems like the ultimate selfish, immature act. Put those you love first.”

I posted this on Facebook and Twitter yesterday and received a few contrasting replies, but mostly a consensus agreement with the sentiment.  I don’t understand cheating. I’ve written about it on this blog in passing twice before – see Quit With the F’ing Excuses and The Modern (Insecure) Man - but have never devoted an entire entry to the act.  Unfortunately, it’s the first time that I’ve actually been personally exposed to cheating, having dealt with it recently – so that explains my inspiration for this post.  I’m not attempting to make this a veiled passive-aggressive attempt at airing grievances – I’ve already done that and moved on.  Instead, I’m legitimately interested in evaluating the whole concept of cheating – why it happens and how you should react to it.  I’ve certainly given it plenty of thought over the past month.

The problem is that every attempt to explain it rationally seems like a stretch. In my mind, there is no justifiable reason to cheat on another human being.  Selfish reasons? Lustful reasons? Immature reasons? Certainly. Valid and rational reasons? Not so much.  Honestly, I think the primary issue with cheating is that it shouldn’t be viewed as a uniquely poor act.  Cheating can be related to any form of action that causes someone else harm.  While emotional pain doesn’t manifest itself in the manner of cuts, scrapes, and bruises – it is certainly no less painful or malicious than physical harm.  In fact, it has been argued by many that an attack of an emotional variety is generally worse than a physical one – not that either should be condoned.

To cheat is to make a conscious decision that you are willing to take a course of action that you know will harm another human being. It is as simple as that.  The thought process has determined that hurting this person that you seemingly love or care for is an appropriate and acceptable course of action.  If it’s not deemed an appropriate course of action, then the chance exists that the cheater is either being ignorant to their own morality or that a person just has decided that they want to make a bad decision – and recognize that it’s a bad decision.  The former seems more likely, and honestly is a bit less malicious.  I hope the latter, however, is a much less frequent occurrence.

I have faith in people to be good. I subscribe to the John Locke tabula rasa theory that people are born with a blank slate, and are not inherently bad or evil.  I firmly believe that.  I would even venture to extend my own belief to the fact that from a biological standpoint, we are inherently good.  That one is more an extension of my own optimism about our nature than something that should be looked at factually. The problem with the argument that we’re all good people at heart is that the definition of good is a societally founded one.  Good can mean a lot of different things for a lot of different people. However – I don’t think it is an extension of my optimism to believe that anything that causes someone else harm could be misconstrued as a good act. That only further compounds my annoyance with the entire act of cheating – there really is no way to spin it to be deemed as an even neutral act, much less a good one.

How to respond to cheating is an entirely different animal unto itself.  From my prior words on cheating in the two articles that I linked above – I am very black and white on the issue.  ”Zero tolerance” was my purported stance.  I honestly don’t think that my stance has changed much, but being on the poor end of the situation has certainly softened my view on what seemed to be a clear issue to me before.  While I still don’t tolerate it, I acknowledge the difficulty in handling and processing what has happened – particularly if, like me, you’ve never cheated on anyone.  Beyond the initial pain and sting of the betrayal, which was fairly overwhelming, I’ve drifted through a sense of shock and anger. Shock that someone I love has the capacity to behave in such a manner and anger that someone would take our relationship and my feelings for granted.

It is a cruel and vile act – but unfortunately one all too common.  We are not perfect. I am certainly not perfect.  However, I’ve never had difficulty in restraining or controlling my emotions and affections.

This is a major reason that I have espoused internal growth in my life, to my friends, and on this blog for the last 10 years.  A profoundly deep understanding of your own emotions and thoughts is integral to living a happy life.  If you can understand the things that affect your day-to-day, you can appropriately react to them.  I cannot stress the importance of being self-aware enough.  I cannot stress the importance of challenging yourself enough. I cannot stress the importance of learning about all of your strengths and flaws enough.

Lack of comfort and knowledge of one’s own mind leads to insecurities. Insecurities lead to poor decisions. Poor decisions harm those that you truly care about and care about you.  Why would you not do everything in your power every single day to minimize that risk?  Shutting your mind to the reasons you behave the way you do or the actions you take will only serve to perpetuate and exacerbate the problem.

Of course, I could be completely off base.  Perhaps the act of cheating isn’t viewed as highly negative as I’ve portrayed it here. Perhaps the resulting pain shouldn’t be as profound as I’ve felt and conveyed here.  I’m certainly not impervious to overreacting.  It’s hard, though, to imagine given my philosophy on life – that love and passion are the most important things of all – that I am embellishing the issue here.  For that reason, it will remain to be a very important distinction and act that defines a person’s character in my eyes.

Love isn’t hard.  It is a singular word, an entirely self-sufficient verb on its own.  The world spends a lot of time expounding on, romanticizing about, and describing love… but none of it is needed.  If you ever want to know how to behave, look at the word itself as an action…

…just love.

Feel It, Baby

Sometimes you just want to feel, baby. Let the music flow through you and remind you what it is to be alive. Close your eyes and feel it throughout your body.

That soul. That fucking soul.

I get so few days on this planet, and fuck if I’m going to waste them not feeling.

Feeling, loving, and living.

No, I’m not fucking normal. I’m an eyes-closed passion-blinded soulful, heart-driven fucking narcissist.

Someone stuck a genius brain in my head, stuck my heart on my sleeve, and gave the devil control of my tongue.

I’ve spent a crammed night surrounded by pot smoking gay Belgians that I just met celebrating some girl’s birthday when I was 18.

I flew to Ireland because I fucking could. For three hours. Then I went home.

I sip amazing whisky because I can.

I’ve lived in Italy, Texas, Philly, and a sky-view sick apartment in the heart of New York City.

I’d cut my arm off for my family and best friends. I’d cut off both for my future wife.

I discern… because I fucking can.

And my life is fucking amazing.

So I’m going to sit here, listen to Jimi and Stevie hammer-on and pull-off, and stare out my window at the Empire State Building because I fucking can.

What the fuck are you doing?

Love and Art

I just finished watching 50/50 for the sixth time. I’m not sure if it has more to do with the fact that the movie makes me sob uncontrollably in an amazing way or if it’s just merely my adoration (and profound love) for Anna Kendrick. Probably split pretty evenly… (get it!?) The movie has some great insights, and is generally evocative, which is why I think I truly connect with it. The ability to create emotions out of your viewers/readers/listeners is the reason art exists. That expression, or attempt, to capture human emotions in a finite piece is what makes art so beautiful.

When you think of the profundity of the human experience – the highs, the lows, the loves, the heartaches, the successes, and the failures – and art’s ability to capture the depth of that emotion, it is nothing but awe inspiring. Art also has a way to instill a sense of direction and act as a veritable shock to your life.

I spent six hours strolling through the Metropolitan Museum of Art yesterday – headphones in, cell phone service off – with nothing but me and a small glimpse into the expanse that is human creation. Delicately designed Greek vases from the Helladic period that predate my own existence by more than 3,000 years. Japanese military weaponry from the various bakufu that ruled throughout Japanese history. Being able to spend ten minutes (literally ten minutes) staring at Van Gogh’s Wheat Field with Cypresses, arguably my favorite single piece of art ever produced on this planet of any form.

What a blessed experience we have on this planet – to be able to witness such depth of emotion and love thrown into so many expressive works of art. What an even greater gift to be granted the capacity to imprint your own emotions onto something that will persist through time.

How empowering is that?

So many people float from day to day, never fully grasping what an amazing gift they have been given. There is an abundance of beauty in this world in the form of music, paintings, sculptures, books, movies, family, and love for one another. So many don’t even give a damn to grasp it – they are more content responding minutely to their daily impulses and will float to their next impulsive point until the day that they die.

Don’t waste your time here.

By your average standards, my life has been random… abstract… and at times, insane. Yet, I still feel like I spend too much time taking my life for granted. We all do. Recognize the beauty in life and aim everyday to enhance your connection with it. Grow to understand what it means to feel what the artist/author/director intended, and then reciprocate for the rest of the world to see. Instead of filling the world with selfishness and complacency, choose to fill the world with emotional expression.

Reflect upon your own impression on others in life… have you created joy? Love? Hatred? Sadness? Pain? What are you making others feel?

Add to the beauty.

Time to Part Ways with Ron

It’s an unpopular opinion - part ways with the manager of a franchise that has been to the World Series twice in the last three years, and is flirting with the best record in baseball. Yet, the need is still there. Ron Washington has shown unequivocally that his perceived value of maintaining productive chemistry in the clubhouse is greatly overvalued. The harsh truth is this: managers in baseball have very little capacity to add a ton of value to a team, but a ton of opportunity to take away value.  Let’s look at a few of the decisions of Ron’s in the past that have been particularly vexing.

  • Tonight’s Game Against the Cubs – the decision to walk Darwin Barney with pitcher Scott Feldman coming up next came to hurt Ron and the Rangers as Feldman reached base and plated a run. Barney then scored on a subsequent hit.  Let’s just chalk that up to a move not working, right? Wrong.  Barney is the worst regular hitting position player on the Cubs, and the 17th worst hitting player in all of the major leagues. To put another runner on base for free goes starkly against any sense of logic. Why walk to get to a poor hitter when you could just pitch to the poor hitter at the plate and then have another poor hitter to follow. No cost-benefit evaluation, eye test, or valuation structure supports this decision.
  • Last Year’s Wild Card Play-In Game Against the Orioles Terrible Decision #1 – Ron Washington decides to start Michael Young at first base, an inferior fielder to Mike Napoli, and puts Napoli at designated hitter, instead of the other way around. Fast forward in the game, and when the Rangers are down and need some offense, Mitch Moreland comes in to hit for catcher Geovany Soto.  Now here’s the rub. Since the replacement catcher (Napoli) is the DH, the Rangers have to move Napoli to catcher, thereby losing the designated hitter for the rest of the game, meaning that the pitcher will have to hit. Had Ron played Napoli at first, then you could have had a very simple swap of Mitch to hit for Soto, then swap Napoli to catcher and Moreland to first in the field – the designated hitter (Young) stays intact.
  • Last Year’s Wild Card Play-In Game Against the Orioles Terrible Decision #2 – With Texas ace Yu Darvish only 91 pitches into the game, Ron decides to bring in starter Derek Holland, who was moved to the bullpen for the playoffs, but hasn’t served in that role all season. Not only does Yu have plenty of gas left, as his pitch counts routinely go 110 pitches or more, but Yu has at this point only yielded five hits and one earned run. Ron’s reasoning? He wanted the lefty-lefty matchup with Nate McClouth. Problem here is that McClouth had only reached on an error by Michael Young (shocker!), fouled out, and grounded out on the day. Why pull your ace, who is pitching pretty well, with only 91 pitches just because a lefty is coming up?  Holland doesn’t even have the statistics to support this move – on his career, right handed hitters only barely hit better off of him than lefties – there is no discernible advantage to this move.  What happens next? Wild pitch from Holland, then a single and the Orioles go up 3-1. Absolutely mind boggling and inexcusable.
  • The Reliance on Using Michael Young, 2012 Albatross – Michael Young posted the worst metrics of any qualified hitter in the major leagues last year.  The worst. Want to know what makes that even more disgusting? Only 38 players in the entirety of Major League Baseball had more plate appearances than Michael Young. Ron’s blind and unfounded attachment to his terribly performing veteran without any solid or legitimate reason not only did more to single-handedly hurt the Rangers as the season progressed, his defiance and attachment to him led to the Rangers having to make significant personnel decisions. Ron’s inability to properly manage his roster led to the awkward situation of Jurickson Profar being called up by the front office, yet rarely being used (a waste of a call-up to give plate appearances to a terrible hitter), but also led the team to being forced to trade Michael Young this offseason.
  • Do you want someone to blame for Michael Young not being a Texas Ranger?  Blame Ron Washington. Michael Young would have filled a very great role this season as a bench bat and part time utility infielder on the Rangers. However, the front office all but acknowledged Ron’s inability to use Michael appropriately by trading him to the Phillies. The Rangers are now paying the Philadelphia Phillies to use Michael Young because of Ron Washington’s complete detachment from the reality of his roster.  No player who is struggling so badly as to be the worst hitter in baseball needs to be given carte blanche access to the lineup card so frequently.
  • Game 6, 2011 World Series – Go here: http://blogs.wsj.com/dailyfix/2011/10/28/moves-like-washingtons-doom-texas/ - I don’t want to relive the terrible decisions made here.

This is a short list. The examples of his poor decision making capacity as a manager are abundant.  These are not good process, bad luck decisions. This is a consistent demonstration of an inability to show a logical process towards handling a major league ball club.

Ron Washington is simply outmatched as a major league manager. National league games seem to confound him, and simple things such as bench and bullpen management are woefully mismanaged.  Ron continually has ridiculous logic for his reasoning of his decisions.  The “gut” is not a sufficient defense for a well-paid, highly important position on a major sports franchise. No part of Ron Washington’s clubhouse magic stopped the team from falling apart down the stretch last year. It didn’t stop Josh Hamilton from losing any sense of normalcy or composure or the team’s near historic drop from a division championship.

This team deserves better.

Integrity

Rationalization and excuses take many forms.  You can pretend or avoid facing the realities and consequences of your actions quite easily. Figure out an inequitable wrong and convince yourself that it is equitable, resort to any logical fallacy – the primary being ad hominem reasoning, or maybe just outright chalk it up as a mistake and just blindly move forward in life.

Mistakes should not be ignored; they are opportunities for growth. Without conflict or mistakes, we could never grow as individuals.  Recognition of one’s own faults is paramount.  Coddling friends who make mistakes does more of a disservice to that friend than truth, honesty, and integrity. Integrity is listed last here, but really deserves first billing.

Integrity should guide all things in life. This entry is disgustingly pedantic, but it doesn’t change the truths written.  Integrity is the only thing that we have at the end of the day. Self-respect, self-confidence, success, friendships, relationships are all driven by our own integrity.

Which leads me to my other point – the only person that you are ultimately responsible for is yourself. You are the only person inside your mind, the only person feeling your emotions, thinking your thoughts, and choosing your decisions.  If you go through every day with a sense of integrity in all three of these facets, good things will happen.  Stray from that, and they won’t. It is really quite simple.

One of the reasons Southwest Airlines has been a tried and true case study for any business school student (studied at Wharton, HBS, Booth, etc.) is that they truly understand the idea of integrity.  While most businesses focus on the bottom line or even genuinely, the customer, first, Southwest instead focuses on its employees.  Keep the employees happy, and the rest will fall into line.

Personal integrity is no different. Maintain a sense of accountability to yourself for your very own actions, and things will fall into line.

We all worry too much about our exterior perception from a self-value judgment perspective. I absolutely adore the reactions that I get from people when I’m acting bold, grandiose, or over the top. The sheer loathing from the public in response to my actions is palpably entertaining. It really truly is.  A self-defense mechanism thrown up in response to my argument is that my actions stem from a place of a lack of self-assurance.

I cannot begin to stress to you enough how misguided this is. My mantra is, and will always be, personal accountability. I demand very high behavioral and interpersonal standards from myself. I strive to love those in my life who deserve it without constraint and with no selfish intent. I literally evaluate every single one of my days to ensure that all of my actions have been on par with my own internal morality and sense of decency.

If at the end of the day, I’ve determined that I’ve met my own criteria for being a decent human being, I am happy, and am ready to proceed to the next day. Any variances from this internal standard are dealt with swiftly and corrected openly.

Recognition and correction of flaws and mistakes. Internal guidelines for morality and decency. Personal accountability.

Like I said, the only person in your mind is yourself.

If you can live with yourself, then nothing else really matters.